Posted by: susanideus | April 19, 2010

On the Road

It may be that when we no longer know which way to go we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings. ~Wendell Berry in Collected Poems

I love pictures of roads, especially when there is no end visible. Those images evoke feelings of possibilities, of exploration, of finding what lies ahead. I don’t think anyone who knows me would call me an adventurer. I’m usually the one in the crowd who holds back and urges others to go on ahead. And yet, if given the chance, I always want to see what’s around the next bend or over the next hill.

That’s where I stand right now. I’m ready to find out what lies ahead. I’ve never been so clear in my mind that I want to make a change, to pursue a goal. Why now? I have no idea, but I know it is time.

I am going to be a WRITER. Over the past weeks, my writing has gone from whispering in my ear to veritably shouting its existence. No more the gentle urge to sit down and write a few words whenever. This is the voice heard above the roar. This is the desire that threatens to burst through every barrier I might try to put up. This is the serious get-to-work-right-now-and-make-it-happen voice. I listened.

Writing makes a map, and there is something about a journey that begs to have its passage marked. (Christina Baldwin)

I have to shift some priorities. I have to make some plans. I have to set some goals. The time is now. The future awaits.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.          ~Anais Nin

Change has almost always frightened me, and yet somehow I know this is going to work out. I have been bolder about finding new resources on the Internet and using Facebook. I have had the courage to lay open my heart to a wise friend who has lovingly encouraged me. (Thanks, Hawk!) I have researched classes I can take soon. I have reluctantly and painfully given up activities which I love to make room for the writing I love more. I can do this!

Do one thing every day that scares you.  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Only one thing? Even I can handle that!

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Responses

  1. “I am going to be a WRITER.”

    The blog posts, book reviews, haiku all suggest you already are a writer. You just have to practice saying it in present tense.

  2. Kathy, you’re right, of course–and this is exactly what I tell my e-circle ladies all the time. So, what should I say? Professional writer doesn’t sound right, nor does author. Maybe I should have said full-time writer since that’s my ultimate goal. I meant to infer that my writing was goung to be one of my top priorities. And. perhaps there’s just a tiny element of me taking myself and my writing more seriously. I AM A WRITER. How’s that? :~)

    • All caps. Very good. Now if I can get myself to do the same thing … When I resigned from my last job, which I did because of health problems (that weren’t going away as long as I was in the pressure cooker), I had to fill out an on-line form that asked what my next job would be. I took a leap and typed in “writer.” Next question: Salary? Answer: $0. The software wasn’t programmed to take an honest answer, told me to try again, so I deleted “writer” and went back to being a retired librarian. So much for my romantic fantasy. But I’m about to order business cards that say “writer” in great big letters.

  3. Oh, and what a talent you will be! Your writing is beautiful, intriguing, and thought provoking, and I can’t wait to read what will be ahead on your winding road to “Ms. Author.”

    • Thanks, Sherry. Your belief in me means a lot. I do believe this is what I should be doing, and it is encouraging to know that you think so too. Now if I could just be a New Mexico author…


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