Posted by: susanideus | May 13, 2007

Mothers’ Day Meditation & Memories

I don’t remember much about Mothers’ Day when I was growing up.  Daddy usually took us out to dinner or we’d go on a picnic.  I do recall that once on May 9th, we went to the mountains near Albuquerque for one of those picnic outings and got caught in a snow storm.  Such is weather in New Mexico!

As I got a bit older, and relations with Mom were strained to say the least, I grew to dread the day.  Her children were expected to make command appearances…  And, of course, the day never lived up to her expectations.  Of course, Mom never bothered to communicate what those expectations were, so we were in a no-win situation.  Sigh…

When I despaired of ever getting pregnant, the day was a bitter reminder.

When I finally became a mother, we had our own precious traditions.  I always got breakfast in bed before church.  As the girls got older and they wanted to “cook”, things were often creative.  One year, I had chocolate donuts and a cheeseburger, an interesting combo  of my favorite foods.  The girls loved doing it and I love being their mom! In the beginning, Harold was the driving force behind the celebration — and he still lets me know that he appreciates me as the mother of his children.

These days, we’re not always together for the day.  This year, for instance, both Becca & Johanna are out of town, so we’ll celebrate together another day.  I’ve talked to them both on the phone, they both sent cards, Jo sent a bucketful of daisies, our son-in-law came for lunch, amd in a fine show of keeping to tradition, Harold brought me chocolate iced, chocolate-filled donuts this morning. Intense flavor!  All in all, a very fine day!

Now that it’s quiet in the house, with Nathan gone and Harold taking his afternoon nap, I’ve had some time to ponder this motherhood thing. My mom didn’t like it much.  I never found out why, so I’m left to wonder.  I’ve read several books of late that concerned mothers.  In The Glass Castle by Jeannete Wells, her mother was to put it mildly, a free spirit.  She valued her art and her free time to create more highly than childcare.  In Saving Graces, Elizabeth Edwards showed us a fairly traditonal model of motherhood.  In Strange Son, a mother spends all her time and resources to the end of finding a cure for autism for one of her sons, often to the exclusion of her other children.  Three very different women with very different mothering styles.  One thing in common — they all loved their children and showed them that they did.

I have come to believe that my mother did love me even if she didn’t show it.  I think she did the best she could.  And, isn’t that, after all, the most we can ask?  I love my girls dearly, and I think they know it. (Son-in-law Nathan too!) I’ve always loved being a mom, even though I didn’t always do the best thing, didn’t always make the best choice, but at the end of the day, there was always love. They always know that no matter what, they have my unconditional love.  I consider my daughters to be my friends now that they’re grown and independent, and I think they consider me their friend as well.  We talk often, read some of the same books, have wonderful discussions, go places together…I am so very blessed!

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